“Child-Raising Vacation”

That’s what they call extended maternity leave in Romania. You get six weeks of obligatory medical leave, then after that you have the option to take two years of paid “child-raising vacation.” Sound too good to be true? I thought so, too.

We were in the car on the way gone from the airport, and on a whim I decided to check my bank balance again. I’d been checking it every few days for the last few months, anxiously awaiting the day my maternity leave pay would finally show up.

Baby Takes Flight

America, meet Benjamin!

carefully chosen flight wardrobe

I was pretty stressed about this trip. We'd been sleeping a solid 8 hours every night for about a month, with a nap schedule that worked, and I was not looking forward to messing that up. Ben also hates long car rides and usually goes between sleeping and screaming whenever he's strapped into his car seat. The thought of 11 hours on a plane did not sound fun to me.

Well, it turns out all the stress was for nothing (as usual), because traveling with baby was actually no big deal. It was almost easier than flying without him. Yep, I said that.

I know I'm not the first to write about this, but there were a few things that I was so glad I did to prepare for this trip!

Self-Care, or "How to Stay Sane"

One of the most difficult parts of motherhood for me has not been taking care of the baby. I had some anxiety about knowing how to respond to his needs, but as it turns out, he's pretty simple -- feed him, keep him in a dry diaper, and rock him to sleep every couple of hours, and he's good.

What nobody tells you before you have a baby is just how hard it is to take care of yourself.

In the weeks after I gave birth, I honestly felt like I was still pregnant. None of my clothes or shoes fit, the nights of poor sleep continued, and thanks to my C-section, getting up and down was even more difficult than it had been with a huge belly. I was still just as miserably hot all the time as I'd been for the past several months -- why didn't anybody tell me that breastfeeding can trigger hot flashes? It really felt like a fourth trimester of pregnancy. Aside from the huge relief of not having heartburn anymore, I still felt pretty crummy, and with the added pressure of having a small human depending on me 24/7!

I soon found out that I needed to take care of myself, for the good of everyone in this house. Here's what got me through the first three months of motherhood...

Prayer and Coffee
I make it a point to spend the first feed of every day in prayer. I pray for Ben, I pray for my husband (Lord knows he needs it with me around!), and I pray for myself. I read. As much as I've always hated reading the Bible on my phone, it comes in handy when you're up before dawn and/or only have one free hand. Then, as soon as my husband is awake and making his coffee, I get him to make me a cup, too. If I don't do these things first thing in the morning, they probably won't get done, and we all know my attitude needs Jesus and caffeine more than just about anything!

Showers
A nice, hot shower does wonders. Being clean just makes me feel human and slightly more attractive, so it is pretty high on my priority list. I must confess it doesn't happen every day, but I try to make it at least every other day.  My, how standards change when you have a baby. At the risk of sounding heartless, I have been known to leave my crying baby (fed and changed) in the safety of his crib, shut the bathroom door, and just block it out for ten minutes while I wash spit-up milk out of my hair. Don't knock it till you've tried it.

Nursing Gowns
Specifically the ones that don't even look like pajamas. I wore a gown home from the hospital, back to the hospital to get my stitches out, and even to the grocery store, and nobody could tell I was actually in my pajamas! They are comfortable and make you feel less guilty about still wearing the clothes you slept in when company comes to see the baby. Leggings and big t-shirts serve the same purpose, but leggings bothered my incision, so the gowns were essential.

Easy, Nutritious Snacks
I think I lived on instant oatmeal for a few weeks. I ate a lot of mixed nuts, dried fruit bars, and fruit and yogurt smoothies -- basically anything nutritious that I could eat with one hand. I always keep a huge water bottle nearby, too! I think a great gift for a new mom would be a smoothie maker, one that blends the smoothie directly in the bottle you drink from (in other words, less dishes to wash). I got one for my birthday and I use it almost every day!

Medela Swing Pump
I've used the pump a lot more than I thought I would. Sometimes people offer to keep the baby, and you should take them up on that. I try to keep a couple of bags of pumped milk in the freezer for those occasions. I've also pumped on road trips when I knew he would need to eat, but we couldn't stop on the highway to take him out of the car seat. I just pumped and gave him the bottle right away. Now that he's started to sleep all night, sometimes I wake up super full and end up pumping from one side. I love the Swing pump because it's small and battery-operated, so it's easy to take it with me in case I need to pump while I'm out. You could also just get a hand pump as an alternative. Either way, don't think you'll never use it, because you will!

Taking a break!
Like I said, sometimes nice people offer to help, and you should accept that offer. This was hard for me in the beginning because I have an independent streak that wants to handle everything without help. That is a dangerous attitude postpartum. Exhaustion is risky business. If you have a neighbor, friend, or family member who offers to keep the baby while you run errands, DO IT! If you say you'll be gone for an hour, but finish sooner, go get a cup of fancy coffee. Walk around outside. Eat with two hands. Whatever. Just relax knowing that your baby is completely safe and being entertained by someone who isn't sleep-deprived or stressed out. Even just letting my husband stay home with baby while I bought groceries once a week was the only thing that kept me from losing it the first couple of months!

This applies at home with baby, too. If you can't seem to throw together a decent meal, don't be above ordering pizza or take-out more than once a week. When baby is asleep or at least sitting quietly, do something good for yourself (eat, brush your teeth, change your socks, etc.) before you try to do any chores. Let daddy hold the baby while you walk the dog and get some fresh air.

The bottom line is this: You can't take care of a baby when you're falling apart yourself.

Your own physical and mental health need to be your number one priority, and smart people in your life should understand that. It won't last forever, and the rest of the world can just deal for a couple of months.

What helped you get through the first few months of being a mama?

Out and About

Since I had a C-Section, and we live on the third floor, getting out of the house was pretty uncomfortable for the first several weeks after baby was born. Once I had recovered from the surgery, though, I started getting seriously stir crazy! I am not used to being in the house all day, and even though we have a nice balcony where I tried to sit outside a few minutes every day for some fresh air, I really needed to get out and move!

But then the anxiety hit... I hesitated to go to town because I wasn't sure how to run errands with a baby. I was surprised at how much courage it took for me to leave home with him. My fears were unfounded, though, because it turns out Romania is an extremely baby-friendly place to live.

Romanian Birth

While I was pregnant, the question I heard most often was "where will you give birth?" Then, after answering that I'd be having the baby here in Romania, the next question was always "WHY?"

Romanian Pregnancy

I realize that our baby is now almost 3 months old (HOW?!), so maybe it seems like kind of an after-thought to blog about pregnancy now. But if you have children, you know that there isn't much time for blogging in the first few months after having a baby! Now that I'm starting to breathe again, I thought I'd share a little about my experience of being pregnant and prenatal care in Romania.

My Ebenezer

Five Years
On July 29th, 2012, I flew out of Atlanta to spend a year in Romania.

Five years later, I’m still here.

They have not been easy years.

In 1st Samuel chapter 7, we read about Samuel praying to God on behalf of his people, Israel. Under Samuel’s leadership, they had just destroyed all of their idols and repented of worshiping false gods. They had gathered to fast and repent together as a nation, and this gathering made them an easy target for their enemy, the Philistines. They had been obedient, but now they were about to be attacked, and they were afraid. They begged Samuel, “Do not cease to cry to the Lord our God for us, that He may save us.” So Samuel cried out to the Lord, and the Lord did save them.

In that place where the Israelites had repented, where they had cried out to God, and where He had come to their rescue, Samuel set up a memorial stone. He named it Ebenezer, which means “stone of help,” and declared “thus far the Lord has helped us.”

Like the Israelites, I’ve had to destroy many idols in the last five years. I’ve thrown out false gods of pride, insecurity, jealousy, pessimism, and even my own thoughts about what my life should be like. I let go of some things I thought I wanted, and accepted some things I wouln’t have chosen for myself.

I’ve fought battles, too -- language, cultural differences, doubt, conflict, moments of fear, and temptation in many forms. But every time I cried out to the Lord, He was faithful. He has shown me His goodness and blessed me in ways I never expected and don’t deserve.

I got married. I worked five years at my dream job. I’ve seen lives changed and prayers answered. They have not been easy years, but they have been good.

So how did I celebrate five years in Romania? What did I do to mark the fact that thus far, the Lord has helped me?

My Stone of Help
On July 29th, 2017, I had a baby.

I, an American, had a baby in a Romanian public hospital.

Does that sound as crazy to you as it did to the hospital employee who checked me in?

“Don’t you know there’s a private hospital? And why aren’t you having this baby in America, anyway?”

When I found out I was pregnant, I had to make a lot of decisions, and it seemed like everyone I talked to had an opinion about what I should do. It was all quite overwhelming, and I was already terrified of giving birth. But thank God for my husband, whose faith is often much stronger than mine. Every time I second-guessed a decision, he would ask me, “Didn’t we already pray about this? And what was the answer?”

In hindsight, I can see that every choice I made in faith turned out to be the best choice. Everything was arranged perfectly by the One who is perfectly good, and I can see His faithfulness in every detail.

I can see it in the little bird that sat on the skylight of the operating room for the whole hour during my C-Section, although my heart had been set on a natural birth. Somehow, that bird was like a sign to me that this was for the best.

I can see it in the nurse who kept rubbing my head and telling me everything was ok. This was my first surgery, first time even being in the hospital, and it was scary.

I can see it in my doctor, who’d tried to change shifts so he could be home for his daughter’s birthday. I’m sorry nobody would trade with him, but I am so thankful he was on call that day so I could be with a doctor I trusted.

I can see it in the three other ladies who shared my hospital room, even though I’d been hoping for a private room. We became a team for those five days, a community.

I can see it in all of the hospital staff who were so nice and took such good care of us, even without bribing them, which is what most people think happens in Romanian hospitals.

I can see it in a roommate’s mom who tried to comfort me when I was in pain. I appreciated that.

I can see it in the two times I got sent home from the hospital because the baby just wasn’t ready yet. If he’d come sooner, I wouldn’t have given birth on a Saturday afternoon when the hospital was less busy. Any sooner and his birthday wouldn’t have been on the five year anniversary of my coming to Romania.

Most of all, I see His help and His goodness every morning as I sing old hymns over my sweet baby boy. He is my stone of help, given to me as a a reminder forever of how faithful the Lord is when we trust Him. He is my Ebenezer.

“Here I raise mine Ebenezer, hither by Thy help I’ve come...”

Two Heartbeats.

This is what I can't get over -- I have two heartbeats.

This week I went for my 12-week checkup. (By the way, I AM PREGNANT.) This is the checkup where they measure the baby's neck and nose, then ask if you want to do the bloodwork to check for chance of genetic disorders like Down Syndrome. When I left my last checkup, the doctor made sure I understood how important it was that I come in at 12 weeks. 

Yes, I understand. It's important. After 12 weeks, you'll only have a few weeks left to legally terminate the pregnancy if something doesn't look right. 

So I went. I went at 12 weeks. For 6 weeks I had been showing around my first ultrasound picture, which was basically a little blob, or maybe a bean. It wasn't much to look at, but what that picture didn't show was the heartbeat. In the same week that I got a positive pregnancy test, I also heard the baby's heartbeat. My doctor showed me how the little bean was sort of moving, and explained how that movement was actually the heart beating, then turned up the volume so I could hear. 

I went home and cried. I had one heart beating in my chest and one in my belly.

For the next six weeks, when I looked at the black and white image of my little bean-child, I could still hear the thump-thump-thump that meant it was alive. 

I knew the baby was growing and developing, but I don't think I was prepared for that 12-week checkup. I watched the screen as the doctor measured the neck and showed me the nose. I looked at the head and belly that had formed out of that first bean shape. I saw little feet kicking around. I heard the heartbeat again.

And then, with kindness and respect, my doctor asked me a question she already knew the answer to: "Of course you'll keep it no matter what, right? I know how you all think, that you always keep it." 

Of course I'll keep it. 

She's had enough patients of my kind to know that we keep miracles. We keep wiggly feet. We keep heartbeats. We keep life. 

I assured her that I still wanted to comply with every test and every recommendation she had for mine and the baby's health, but with the understanding that regardless of any outcome, I will keep it. She assured me that everything looks good, that all the measurements are normal, and that she understands. She knows that we always choose to keep the baby. 

I looked back at the screen and tried to process the reality that, if I'd chosen, if something hadn't been "normal," I could've terminated. I could've stopped the feet from wiggling. I could've stopped my second heart from beating. 

But how could I? 

I have two heartbeats now, and I could no more willingly stop one than the other.